SimCity Declared A Disaster Zone

Some urban planners are geniuses. Some are Albert Speer. And some put the sewage plant next to the theme park. It’s in the last category that Electronic Arts is currently falling in. For all the innovation and improvement EA and Maxis have put in this potential gem, there’s an unholy stench of soiled diapers and ruined pants wafting over the broken collection of log-flumes and tilt-a-whirls that is SimCity.

Just about every reviewer is now warning potential buyers to steer clear of buying SimCity until this unholy blend of carnies, Juggalos, and raw feces is cleared up.

On March 7, EA and Origin have publicly stated that if you’ve bought SimCity, and you’re not happy and want a refund, you might as well go slice off your own hand and eat it in a sandwich. Only pre-orders are refundable.

The Polygon reported on one conversation a disgruntled player had with Origin’s sales department. “You can request a refund, but … it is also the our [sic] discretion to process a refund. When the user said he would call his bank and dispute the charge, the support rep told him, ‘If you choose to dispute it, your account will be banned.'”

Regarding recent confusion: In general we do not offer refunds on digital download games. Please review our policy help.ea.com/article/return…

— Origin (@OriginInsider) March 7, 2013

Forbes magazine even weighed in on this issue as sales in Australia went live.

Amazon has suspended digital downloads and notes that, “Many customers are having issues connecting to the SimCity servers. EA is actively working to resolve these issues, but at this time we do not know when the issue will be fixed. Please visit https://help.ea.com/en/simcity/simcity for more information.”

A reviewer on Amazon by the name of Drew Grubich lays out many complaints in the game’s comments section.

Now Origin has become Death, the destroyer of (Sim)worlds

Dear EA/Maxis/Origin:

You killed the child inside me.

The one who remembers playing SimCity. The *first* one. Who recalls fondly a childhood of Sim games, spending countless hours on my Compaq 486 sx33 living simulated lives in simulated bliss. I played all the iterations: I built theme parks and zoos and I even went so far as to adore SimAnt. Anyone remember SimAnt? You were a yellow ant. And did… Ant things… Simulated Ant things. I did that.

Over the years, as I grew in to an adult, SimCity grew with me. Through every evolution, I enjoyed it. I bonded with it. I dreamed of living in an Arcology one day, in the distant future. Maxis, you stimulated my impressionable mind and gave me critical thinking skills and a grounded conduit for my creativity.

For all those years, I am thankful. I even played “The Sims” a bit, but became busy being an adult and living a non-simulated life.

When I read about a year ago there would be a new SimCity game, I was ecstatic. I immediately sent links to my childhood friends, started reading every piece I could about it, and gleefully watched sneak previews on YouTube. I was excited.

I Pre-Ordered it on Amazon. Then I ordered it on Origin because I could get it two hours earlier- that’s how excited I was to download it.

Now. Listen, EA. You know where this is going. You know what happened. You know what you did. We all know what you did.

You killed a little boy. Metaphorically, of course. I’m fairly sure none of your products have or ever will cause actual death. Unless it’s suicide induced by trying to deal with your customer support, online or by phone… Actually yea, I can see someone on the desperate brink of ending their own life as a result of the incomprehensibly atrocious “Help” and “Contact” system you have in place on Origin. I can’t even find an email address. AN EMAIL ADDRESS, EA. YOU GET LIKE THIRTY OF THOSE FREE WHEN YOU SIGN UP FOR COMCAST. HELL, I’LL GIVE YOU LIKE 28 OF MINE YOU CAN USE.

I digress. Let’s not even talk about how it won’t work, at all, right now. How there’s not a single player mode. How the only mode is a crippled, severely limited, and quite honestly child-like version of what should be a powerful piece of gaming art.

It was pre-ordered, EA… and no one could download it. At all. You knew how many copies were going to be downloaded. You knew exactly how many downloads would be happening. Who does the math there? Who didn’t figure out the server load? Are there koala bears doing math there?

AND if you DID do the math….

WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD DID YOU NOT ALLOW PRE-DOWNLOADS?

I just… this is just.. unfathomable… you’ve done it before, with other popular games. I mean, it’s not like this is the first game release EA and Origin has had… Right? Were you worried about piracy? Well. It’s an online only game. The piracy rate of something like this (Or Diablo 3, or WoW, or whatever) has to be remarkably lower than the old “make a burned copy of CD and get a keygen from your buddy” days.

Online only. No single player version. I hate playing games with people. That’s why I want to play a game where I control everyone and everything. To be away from the real world. In MY Sim-World…

And don’t think we can’t see what you’re doing here, Maxis. There’s $500 worth of “The Sims 3” add-ons out there. Shoot, even the initial download of this new SimCity tried to squeeze another 20 bucks out of us for.. I don’t know, Germany or something?

How many versions would there be?
How much money would it cost to have a complete SimCity? A grand?

No.

No thank you. To any of this. This is, without a doubt, the last PC game I buy. Steam, Origin, whatever non-sense BattleNet decides to use… No more. Not when there are three consoles sitting in front of me, eager to play games immediately, the first time. In fact, my new Mass Effect 3 DLC just installed. Quickly. The first time.

In closing:

You’ve done terribly. You’ve ruined it. For everyone. Why? Because money. Because lack of foresight and smug, self-satisfied designs that would ensure we all had a SimLeech bloodsucking us for years to come.

So it wouldn’t download. And now it won’t play. And now I can’t get my money back. Or even talk to anyone related to the game whatsoever.

And even if it did play, the part of me that would enjoy it, he’s face down in a wading pool anyhow.

Thanks. You’ve made my laptop my imagination’s Hiroshima.

The first game patch is deployed, fixing road bumps (yes, there’s a patch to fix virtual potholes.) From the SimCity Community Manager, “This includes various improvements and also disables a few non-critical gameplay features (leaderboards, achievements and region filters). Disabling these features will in no way affect your core gameplay experience.”

This is what happens when you skimp on servers.

Because this is 2013, over 20,000 signatures have been added to the obligatorily Change.org petition.

A Kickstarter has been launched to create a SimCity-alike called Civitas complete with modding, terraforming and of course, offline play.

This is basically like watching EA wipe from the back to the front.