Think about how you talk with them when you’re teaching them something else—say, how to fly a kite. You feel calm and comfortable talking to them about it, right? You’re happy that they’re going to learn about a joyous activity; you warn them how a strong wind can make the string rip through their hands and cause string burn, you warn them about keeping the kite away from power lines and traffic… but you don’t seize up with those warnings. Instead, they’re just the necessary cautions you need to deliver, and your main focus is on the fact that kite-flying is a human activity that brings a lot of enjoyment and happiness.

Now take all that, and apply it back to your talks about sex. As the teacher, you can inhibit, or give a healthy viewpoint—and at least some of that isn’t just what you say, but how you say it: your body language, expressions, and tone of voice as well as your word choices. Yes, sex is a serious subject—but it’s also a joy in life. Don’t lose that thought when you do your talking (which should be “talking” as in “may talk many times, some may be in-depth while others may be a single question and answer—not “THE (one and only) TALK”).

Also, try to avoid “lecture hall” mode (that one’s my biggest downfall, lol). Instead, give a bit of information, then pause to see if they have questions, and really listen to their questions and thoughts. If you’re afraid you’ll forget something important because the conversation got diverted into what they are asking about, then make a brief checklist beforehand, so you can use that to go back and hit the other important points after the side-track, or even later in another conversation.

Finally, if your kid’s body-language or comments show discomfort, don’t ignore it—address it. Ask them calmly but with a smile and faith in them and the air of “It’s okay, you can tell me about this”. Be point blank and say “You seem uncomfortable talking about this—that’s okay, but can you tell me why?” They may or may not be able to find the right words, but accepting their discomfort can help reassure them. Also, if they’d rather talk with the other parent or someone else instead of you, support that also.

Oh, also, be willing to recognize when your kid has hit a “saturation point” in the conversation, and leave anything else for another time.

My own kids ranged from “very comfortable, willing to ask anything” to “certain level of discomfort, hits saturation point easily”, depending on the kid in question. With the latter, I tried (and try) to respect that. With the former, on rare occasion the questions got a little too close to personal (as in not speaking about general situations but getting into aspects of what I’ve done that are personal and inappropriate to share). When that happened, I gently stated that without censure, and it went fine from there.