Kissenger, The Kiss You Can Resist

Lovotics is at it again. This time, the Singapore-based company is working on a system that transmits kisses from one person to another. Lovotics calls the device a Kissenger: The Kiss Transmitter, and it’s, well, it’s a little creepy. Actually, creepy is probably an understatement.

Okay, let’s run down the list of problems.

• How lazy is this guy that he won’t walk into the next room to kiss his girlfriend? (She’s his girlfriend, right? I mean, I hope she’s not just a random coworker that he’s virtually harassing.)
• If you’re going to build a system to transmit kisses over the internet, it would probably help to make the transmission module in the shape of a human face, not a weird pink monster. This is a turnoff to all but a very specific group of people.
• The lips don’t part, so frenching and making out are out of the question. It’s pretty much limited to just chaste kisses. Unless you’re into, like, licking your partner’s lips, an idea that I’m kind of sorry I just typed.
• I’m just going to say it. The lips look like they’re made of the same material as a Fleshlight (Ladies and old people, you’ll have to search for that one on your own.), but the lips on a Fleshlight do part, and while the…stimulation is not shared, it certainly must be more, um, robust.I don’t know that for sure. I’m just saying, that’s what I’ve heard. … From people who apparently talk to me about how it feels to use a Fleshlight and OKAY NEXT BULLET POINT PLEASE.
• How bad do you feel for former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger? A lifetime of work and if this takes off, googling his name will get people to a kissing robot. Up until now, all Kissenger had to worry about was people finding that clip of him dropping his glasses in the toilet on The Simpsons.

For an extra case of the uncomfortable shivers, here’s a video of the device’s original look in its concept form.

Notice the amateurish PowerPoint-like introduction and that the Kissenger looks like a giant ostrich egg. Because, as we all know, ostriches are the most kissable of flightless birds.

In closing, no, Lovotics. Just no.