Oh No! My Shoes Don’t Match My She’s!

Laaaaaadies, I know you think you don’t care about cars, but Honda is forcing the subject by making one just for you! Yes, ma’am, you girls (and the most stereotypically effeminate gay boys and poor unfortunate dudes who get handed the keys by Hurtz) finally get the car of your dreams. Honda has made the Honda Fit She’s. The She’s is a lovely lady pink that’s accessorized with tinting on the windows to prevent UV rays that cause aging and wrinkles from reaching your face, the Plasmacluster climate control that’s supposed to improve skin quality by blowing ionized particles, and floor mats made for high heel shoes. And the best part? You didn’t even have to go door to door forcing makeup onto the face of housewives to get it. You can just buy  it. Er, that is if you live in Japan, as that’s where the car is being sold. So, gather up your matching suitcases, head on over to the tiny island, and drive yourself back with one of dem new fancy lady-mobiles. One thing is for sure, it’s not big enough to look like a soccer mom car.

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The She’s sells for $17,500 and may be coming out in “eyeliner” brown and white as well. Hopefully, the car doesn’t crash and burn as several other gender specific cars have in the past. I imagine you don’t remember hearing about the 1956 Chrysler La Comtesse and the 1995 Chrysler Le Femme? Of course not. That’s because those cars failed tremendously. Supposedly, sales for the new Beetle fell when the car became known as the new “chick car.”  Personally, I don’t like the look of the Honda Fit and think if the car manufacturer wants to market a car with women in mind, it should design something that looks sextastic and unique so it appeals to the womanly desires of what women like to be seen in. Taking an already existing car that I don’t see much on the road as is and covering it in pink is lazy. However, if you make that she-wagon as ridiculous as possible by slapping some glitter all over it, accompany it with matching lipstick, make the exhaust smell like high school lip gloss, and include a GPS that speaks in a deep and manly British accent, then sign me up. Until then, the only pink car I want to drive around in  is a T-bird.

I do commend Honda for making a car just for women though. Thank you! That’s mighty thoughtful. Women are still the minority demographic when it comes to buying cars, so it’s a good solid effort on the part of Honda to up sales by appealing to the ovary-toting gender. However, I’m not sure even the girliest of women want to drive around this girly car. As is, the She’s isn’t expensive enough to be given as a gift to a 16 -year-old spoiled diva on My Super Sweet 16 and the She’s is too girly for most of the women in the U.S. who actually have taste and money to buy a car. Those women want to be seen in a pink Audi TT, clearly.

I don’t think women want to be seen in a car that screams “squeeeeeeeee! I’m a giiiiiiirl!” I have a feeling that the only folks in the U.S. (guys or girls) who want this car do so because you can only get this car in Japan and having one here would be a novelty. The moment it goes on the market in the good ‘ol U.S. of A, those three folks will no longer be interested. I’ll tell you who does want this care though. English majors. English majors and those who speak the English language. Those folks will really like how “I drive a Honda She’s” rolls off their tongue. They’ll also really like the anticipating look they get from the person they’re talking to as they wait for you to correct your bad grammar and then the awkward change of subject as they realize you aren’t going to. And then the pause that occurs when they wonder if they should stop calling you to hang out because you bought a car that makes you sound like an adorable foreign exchange student.

And for the record. I would absolutely drive a 1956 Le Femme. Not only is it awesome and rare now, but it’s classic and gives me the special places to hold my purse and hat that I’VE ALWAYS NEEDED IN MY CAR! There’s never any place to hold my hat. And if Brittany Spears had the Le Femme, she would be able to use the special swiveling seat to get in and out, which may have saved her from those famous crotch shots. Give the She’s another 50 years and maybe it will be as awesome as the Le Femme. Then, maybe I’ll want to drive this pink car, but that’s only as long as this Japan-only vehicle has swiveling seats  so on days I don’t wear underwear with my skirt I’m saved from the shutter bug paparazzi. My crotch is not my best side. It’s a really great side, just not my best.