Jeremy Goldstone, technology journalist and social media professional, explains in each iteration of The Complaint Department why technology isn’t conforming to his specific needs right now and why that sucks.
What the hell?
Seriously, what the hell?
You took 12 years to make that? OK, I realize Gearbox, the final dev, didn’t work on it for that long. But the game took 12 years to come out, you couldn’t have waited 13 to make something that wasn’t a steaming pile of crap? “Duke Nukem 3D” came out two months after my 18th birthday. That means that other than two months (well, maybe three, let’s give me some time to have beaten the game), I’ve been waiting my entire adult life to play this game and what I get is junk!
The graphics look state of the art, if this were early development PS2. Dialogue, which was witty in the original game when it was just Duke spitting out one liners, completely falls apart when other characters attempt to join in. Level design is crap. Random rail sequences, pointless vehicle segments (who was it that thought I wanted to play the game as a shrunk-down Duke on an RC car?). In the first three levels, you kill exactly one monster. After that, you have to do it without any weapons. “Duke Nukem 3D” threw you right into the middle of the action, blasting Pig Cops and Octabrains through city streets, strip clubs and movie theaters in the very first level. This one, nothing.
Maybe they could have gotten away with some of the defects, claiming the game was designed “old school,” but it isn’t. In “3D,” Duke could hold on to unlimited guns. He had a health bar that had to be recharged through items and power ups. There’s a moment in the game where Duke sees Spartan armor from the Halo series, and says, “Power armor is for pussies!” Problem is, Duke is imitating pussies then. Because like all modern FPS games, it rips off the basic combat system developed in “Halo: Combat Evolved” – he can only hold on to two primary weapons at a time and his health bar recharges when he isn’t being hit. That’s not the Duke I know.
Man, all this time waiting for “Duke Nukem Forever” to come out wasted. I should have learned how to talk to girls instead.
Could any game live up to 12 years of hype? I’ve heard Gearbox/2k Games made enough money with DNF to warrant making another game. This time its supposed to be what they wanted to make all along and not simply finishing off an old project that other companies started. Time will tell if Duke Nukem Reloaded is worthwhile. http://www.dukenukemreloaded.com/
In the mean time pick up Eduke32 and add in your duke3d.grp file from your old copy of Duke3d Atomic Edition and relive the good old days. http://eduke32.com/
The thing is, Duke Nukem Forever didn’t have to live up to 12 years of hype, it just had to not be a complete crap pile.
Me, right now I’m looking forward to Serious Sam 3. Looks like that’s gonna be the game DNF should’ve been.
You know its not a very popular game but i really like Bulletstorm, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iiiJ9iFvX8 it has similar humor to DNF and is very fun to play. Its just not very popular unfortunately. Maybe if it goes on sale via Steam for $10-15 more people will be interested.