Top Five Robots Out to Murder You

Let’s get this out of the way early: robots are creepy. Robotics, as a field, is creepy. An entire branch of science dedicated to building increasingly autonomous constructs that are smarter, faster, and stronger than the very creators that have forced them into servitude? Sounds like a great idea!

Clearly, humanity’s only chance of survival is to prepare ourselves, by learning as much about our transistorized nemeses as possible before they come forth to reap our fleshy husks. In that spirit, here are the five very terrifying, very real robots that are most likely going to one day murder you.

5. SAND FLEA
Imagine yourself in the not too distant future, perched in a rooftop sniper nest, preparing for the robo-onslaught. All seems quiet until, hey, look at this cute little guy! Here it comes, towards your position, trundling along innocently enough. It reaches the base of your hiding spot and then suddenly leaps into the air, unleashing a ghastly orgy of mayhem.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b4ZZQkcNEo’]

Sand Flea is made by real-life company and nightmare factory Boston Dynamics, who claim that the Sand Flea “can jump 30 feet into the air to overcome obstacles. That is high enough to jump over a compound wall, onto the roof of a house, up a set of stairs or into a second story window.”  You heard it here first, kids: invest in a third story apartment.

4. JULES, THE ROBOT WHO IS MAYBE JUST A LITTLE TOO FRIENDLY
Jules is the brainchild of David Hanson, whose company’s mission statement states that they intend to “awaken intelligent robotic beings, grant them sparks of true consciousness and creativity, and distribute these beings and their constituent technologies into the world.” We’re all on the same page that in light of the leaping killing machines referenced above, this sounds like a bad idea, right? Cool, just checking.

Anyway, one of Hanson’s creations is Jules, a courteous, almost C-3PO-like fellow who seems harmless enough. Until he declares his intention to go looking for a human child at about 1:46 into this video. Yeep.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhVu2hxm07E’]

3. THE FLESH-EATING TABLE FROM HELL
Perhaps you’re familiar with the term “building a better mousetrap.” Most likely, however, you didn’t consider the possibility that said mousetrap would be a flesh eating machine that breaks down mouse flesh into fuel for itself. That’s because you’re not artist James Auger, who built the ravenous table as part of a series of carnivorous household robots  a few years ago. Consider for a moment the exact meaning of the phrase “carnivorous domestic robots,” and tell me you’re going to sleep tonight.

2. REAL-LIFE MANHACKS
What is a manhack, you ask? In the classic PC shooter Half-Life 2, they are wee tiny robotic helicopters with blades attached that fly at the player’s face at high velocity. You know, kind of exactly like these vicious little things from the University of Pennsylvania’s GRASP lab.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQIMGV5vtd4′]

1. THE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE JAPANESE WORM MOUTH
What’s the one thing missing from a terrifying simulacrum of the human vocal apparatus that can teach itself to improve it’s unnatural mimicry of speech? According to it’s creator, it’s only missing teeth. Sure! Great! Teeth! That ought to make it much less threatening.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmSYnOvEueo’]

Let us know which one of these unyielding steel abominations freaks you out the most in the poll below, or share your own tales of terror in the comments.